In last week's exciting episode, we watched as the Vodafone Out-Of-Ranger and his trusty sidekick, Taunting, rode into town and told the Pharoahs what to do.
Just as the episode ended, the Vodafone Out-Of-Ranger's ride, Fordpinto, burst into flames when struck by another horsepower-filled ride in the hustle and bustle of downtown traffic on market day.
Therefore, now on foot, the Vodafone Out-Of-Ranger sneaks through the angry crowd.
Why is the crowd angry, you young listeners ask?
Good question.
Could it be that the Vodafone Out-Of-Ranger has something to do with it?
Let's listen and find out...
"V-OOR."
"Yes, Taunting."
"I think these people are angry at us."
"Why do you say that?"
"Well, they just finished beating that reporter over there on his beat because he took pictures of the crowd from the wrong side of their faces, making them looking very pale, almost American-like in their demeanor."
"Good thing you have dark skin, Taunting. They won't bother you."
"No, but they're wondering why I'm walking around with a guy wearing a mask and American cowboy duds."
Suddenly, rising up out of the crowd noise, a loud musical phrase pierces the air - it's the theme song for the Vodafone Out-Of-Ranger!!! Where could it be coming from?! Why, it's coming from the Vodafone Out-Of-Ranger, himself!!!
"V-OOR, your mobile's ringing."
"It is?"
"Yes, Him-like-sake, you really should get your hearing checked."
The Vodafone Out-Of-Ranger pulls the mobile out of his holster and the crowd suddenly parts, thinking the pistol-shaped phone is a weapon of massive crowd destruction.
The Vodafone Out-Of-Ranger pulls the trigger and out pops a flag that reads, "Please be courteous. I'm talking on the mobile right now."
"Hello?"
"Vodafone Out-Of-Ranger?"
"Yes, it is me. Your hero here to save the day."
"Err, I mean, it's hard to hear you. Is your Vodafone out of range? Never mind. Vodafone Out-Of-Ranger, while you're out there trying to win over the hearts of the Pharoah's people, we have a major crisis back in the office."
"What is it, Anonymous Executive Officer hidden behind doors made of extinct Amazonian forest trees?"
"We need someone to read a press release to the mass media. Someone they trust."
The Vodafone Out-Of-Ranger's face beams with pride. "You mean me, of course."
"No. Put Taunting on the line."
The Vodafone Out-Of-Ranger hands the mobile to Taunting and the crowd disperses in another direction, unsure if this is a joke or a new secret weapon created by Hollywood that masks the real identity of secret weapons under development at a undisclosed location deep in a remote Canadian forest, coincidentally (or conveniently?!) located on the Native American Reservation of Taunting's people.
"This is Taunting."
"Yes, Vodafone Out-Of-Ranger, but can you put him on the line?"
"No, this really is Taunting."
"And we agree. Now, put him on the line!"
"Seriously, it's me, Taunting."
"Are you Taunting?"
"Yes."
"Then why didn't you say so?"
"I did."
"Sorry, must be the background noise. What's going on out there?"
"That's what we want to know and are trying to find out but V-OOR won't change into a more inconspicuous outfit."
"I see, so he's taunting the crowd?"
"No, I'm Taunting, the Native American."
"I see. Anyway, can you come back to the office?"
"I'm still on my lunch break. Do you know how hard it is to find a meal out here in this chaos?"
"CHAOS? Are they there, too?"
"Either that, or it's their spectre."
"SPECTRE, too? Mon Dieu! Get back to the office before they discover your true identity!"
"Sure, like it's a secret that I'm the official spokesperson for Gator-Bait smokeless, chewable prune pouches for those elderly people who are constipated and just can't quite get over their nicotine addiction."
"Well, are you coming back or not?"
"Okay, let me extricate V-OOR from the Pharoah's people who are just not about to remove his mask and I'll be right there."
Taunting swings the pistol around. The crowd drops the Vodafone Out-Of-Ranger onto the street.
"Thanks for that, Taunting."
"No problem. Taunting is what I do best. Besides, the other acting gigs didn't pan out. By the way, the Faceless Exec wants me back at the office to speak to the press."
"Again?"
"Yeah, I know, like anyone believed it when I said 'The Pharaoh made me do it' the last time."
"The Pharaoh made you do the last time?"
"Yeah, that's what I said. You know, I can imagine the Faceless Exec as kid, coming home from school with an 'F' on his progress report card and telling his mother, 'Well, Mum, see, everyone else failed the class, too,' and his mum reminding him that he's not everyone else."
"Of course he's not Everyone Else. He's the Faceless Exec. Everyone Else is an entirely different secret identity that we won't encounter until Episode 1066."
"V-OOR, your delusions about secret identities are going to get the best of you one day. Let's get you off the street before you get us both killed."
"Well, in that case, hand me back my mobile phone. I've got a ringtone that sounds exactly like pistol shots. That'll clear a lane for us to ride out of here before the sun sets."
"You and your lofty ideas."
"Speaking of which, I readjusted my investment portfolio, hoping some precious metals will make me rich and get me out of this job. Hi-ho, silver, away!"
Tune in next week when the Vodafone Out-Of-Ranger and Taunting look for Taunting's ride, an old International Scout, last seen up on blocks and rusting on the shores of the Dead Sea.
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