Beer In A Tube

Do astronauts drink beer out of a tube?

Too much lately, I've felt the pressure to perform, like a circus animal trapped in a traveling zoo full of controlled but entertaining behaviours.

The circles within a circle are here for all of us, seven billion strong as usual.

I can give space here for our voices but there are circles in which voices have no meaning where I need to be for a while.

Perhaps I will bring back meaning to our lives or at least connections worth pursuing.

I'm not projecting astrally or jumping on spaceships hidden behind passing comets (or passing comments).

I'm still here, these states of energy flowing in and out of the fluctuating superset of states of energy in this area of the inner solar system.

It is a personal journey I desire but don't relish, having hesitated for so many years I don't remember when I first knew what I had to do to completely be who/what I am and/or was/is/am meant to be.

Tapping into a resource that, from this angle, appears stronger than I believe I can handle.

But I know I will have the strength I need when I need it most/least.

I don't need a flux capacitor, a hyperpowered plasma generator or any thing that requires more than the belief of all of us all the time that we have the power within us to save our species from ourselves.

The energy is the same.

No big line item budgetary expenditure that'll break the bank and allow me to put my name on the side of some powerful looking edifice.

It hurts me just to think about the metaphors I'm avoiding to describe the indescribable.

I'm just glad that I am unimportant and perfectly flawed so I can remove myself from the picture I can't describe that is right here in front of me.

It is about the people, not the institutions or governments.

It is about states of energy that we don't know how to measure.

I don't know why I'm here feeling and seeing what I can't feel and see but it is what it is.

Someone please take it away from me.

I am not interested in being me right now.

Just another guy on the block who likes his beer and booze in moderation, random sports on TV, a comfortable chair to sit in and has a face that's easily forgotten in passing.

I know who I am and it's not fair.  Someone better than me should have what is here in me, in this humble, overweight, jolly body.

It's not like what I know makes me happy or puts food on the table or cures cancers or prevents malnutrition.

These are words, words, words.

I am an old, old man, broken, trying to look up, at peace with myself and yet full of sorrow.

I wish I had advice about what to do next.

Yes, I can pray and meditate and listen to the voice within.

And yes I have.

"Go," it says without hesitation.

Into the unknown?

Where I won't be able to come back as I am?

Haven't I already been here many times before, asking the same question and cycling back to the same answer?

The pain is almost unbearable, certainly not worth writing about.

Humour won't help this time.

Once more, I'm stepping deep into a meditative prayer/trance in the middle of all that's going on, unaware of what you're saying around or near me, except as echoes that will rise up out of my thoughts when I return.

It's a journey to a place where communicating using that which we cannot see is right in front of us and we are blissfully unaware of its power to act on more than the activities of one species in a global ecosystem in a solar system in a galaxy in the universe as we know it is almost more than one can bear.

As always, I'm thankful that we're here together to make it possible.

I'm all too happy to share this moment with you because, frankly, it's all we've got.

You are intelligent so let's spend this moment together wisely.

Talk to you soon...I hope.