Shazam!

While I topped off the water in my 55-gallon aquarium, watching the green and brown algae pieces spin in mini-eddies between the filters and pumps which keep water circulating healthily, I asked the living creatures inside, "Who are you?"

The gurgling of popping water bubbles was the response.

I don't know how many letters, emails and IMs I get requesting the identities of the Committee members and the two in the know.

I repeat, they aren't who you think they are.

We have bigger fish to fry than you can possibly imagine.

And the fish don't come from the depleting stock of marine animals readily available and palatable for eating, either.

And those of you who have jumped up and down about the phrase "New World Order" need to understand that every day of our species' modern existence has been a reformation of the New World Order, so don't create conspiracies or theories about hidden agendas.

Remember, this is about all seven billion of us, including our personal beliefs, habits and locations.

We take into account every cult, religion, occult practice, secular behaviour, lifestyle and spending trend in which you participate.

Your life, unbeknownst to most of you, is a series of tests to ensure you are behaving as you appear to behave.  Unlike what some will tell you, we have no specific plan for you - we just want to know what you're doing and how it changes the interconnections between other groups of states of energy like yourself.

You are always free to choose your behaviour in the moment.

We would like to believe every one of you makes a conscientious effort to choose your behaviour wisely.

But we know better.

That's why we work with the animatronic and computer graphics industry to get your children used to watching CG videos and playing videogames so when they visit zoos and aquariums, they can't tell the real animals from the robotic ones we're slowly putting in place to make exotic animal husbandry more affordable and controllable.

Eventually, your children's children won't tell the difference between a real member of our species and an artificial one, enabling us to keep our species' behaviour more orderly.

Until then, here's a story a friend told me about her family (I've changed the situation slightly to protect the participants).

An aunt of my friend kept calling my friend, Elizabeth, about problems with the toilet.

Elizabeth would check out the toilet and find no problem but her aunt insisted that Elizabeth stop by every time there was a problem.

Elizabeth bought her aunt a toilet plunger and showed her aunt how to use it.

Still, her aunt kept calling.

Exasperated, Elizabeth asked her uncle if he knew what the problem was.

He didn't.  He said that everytime he sat on the toilet, his testicles would hang down into the water and he'd tell his wife, Elizabeth's aunt, about how the level of the water in the toilet kept seeming to rise, his personal joke about the effect of gravity on an old man's set of balls.

After a good laugh at her uncle's joke, Elizabeth explained to her aunt that the problem wasn't a stopped-up toilet but that gravity and old age had gotten the best of her aunt's husband.

The aunt laughed and apologised.  She said that she understood.  She was looking in the mirror the other day, thinking that her belly was hanging over her pants and then realised that it was one of her breasts.

We can still live our normal lives, fully aware and appreciative of the fact that the Committee is looking out for your best interests.

Some days, those interests include violent protests but most days it includes quiet days of families taking care of one another and sharing their own private jokes.