The Past Calls Out One More Time

Fill the air with enough smoke and mirrors and the people will grow numb through ennui.  Also, being comfortable in one's religious beliefs allows one to make fun outside the artificial bounds of insecurity.  And so it goes...

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Eternal Nourishment

I know you've heard me say I don't believe in God.

If you haven't then I'll say it again:

"I don't believe in God."

Why should I?

Everyday I go to the altar of food

Where my wants and needs are satisfied.

I used to worry about leaving the house.

When I'm at home,

I solve my problems by going to the kitchen.

When I'm away from home,

I can't always drive back if a problem arises.

I can't carry the kitchen with me everywhere I go, either.

There's something about the kitchen.

If I feel depressed 'cause I feel indecisive,

I just walk to the kitchen and fix something to eat.

Voila! I've made a decision.

If I feel sad, I can always cheer myself up with

A bowl of ice cream.

In the morning, I go to the kitchen

And the refrigerator answers my morning prayer

With a glass of orange juice.

I sacrifice a grapefruit on the counter

Before I go to school.

But like I said,

I used to worry about leaving the house.

I no longer worry.

Thank God for fast food and convenience stores.

Now, I can solve my problems --

My wants and needs --

Immediately, anywhere, I go.

- 12 February 1986

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False Webs of Logic

I think, therefore I am. -- Descartes

I am more than body or mind.

I am body and mind.

If reincarnation,

The movement of soul from a dying/dead body

to a newly created body,

Exists,

Then in my last body I was taken away

Before I really wanted to leave.

On another level (in other words, in another context),

To believe this life is worthwhile,

I want life to be a continuous movement,

Neither away nor toward, increasing nor decreasing,

Just movement [for movement's sake].

Life is motion.

Whether my life as a human being is worthwhile,

The death of this "me" would result only in the

Change of movement of the parts of "me."

My life, as a human being and a part of an ecosystem,

Is organized movement, random acts

That on certain scales of observation appear to follow patterns.

On one of these scales, I do not want "I" to appear.

Which scale(s) shall I choose?

When I stop to be influenced by my immediate surroundings,

I realize I sometimes write/think to avoid participating

in this life.

Participating entails taking out the trash,

Studying for exams and other tasks I deplore

(Which require little effort to accomplish)

But which "everyone" must do to live.

Tasks, trades, chores, skills --

We must do something since doing is moving

And moving is living.

"Is" -- the verbal equals sign.

"Me" -- the consequence of human existence.

Aah! I relaxed when I hugged a pillow last night

And told myself all the thoughts of mine are wonderful

And, at least, matter to someone -- me -- the solipsist.

Me is the Someone in my life.

The Others I can never completely understand.

Someone must understand me and I must understand Someone.

Therefore, Someone can only be me.

"I" and "me" disappear to become "all."

Every human being,

Every source of movement recognizable by this "all,"

Is like this "all,"

And we're all "all" together.

Shall I jump into the "world village" life

Or slip back into my solipsistic shell?

That's a question for Someone (like me) to figure out.

Some of us are original, some of us clever

And the rest sit on their brains.

I like myself better when I'm funny.

My attempts at philosophy are webs of false logic.

I shit, therefore I am.

- 17 February 1986

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